God and relationships

Well, I've done a lot of pondering over the last few hours - and covered many different topics! I'm currently struggling because a friend of mine found out she's pregnant, and she's not married to the father, at least not yet. I know in our culture that's not a big deal anymore - even to some Christians, it's just life these days. But I stand to proclaim that it is a sad path. God desperately wants us to know true intimacy. And that intimacy is only found in a committed marriage relationship. And then, only when God is at the center of it. Because only then can you truly walk through a marriage holding on to the knowledge that that person has the potential to truly love you for the rest of his or her life - no conditions, no outs. Only by the grace of God, and his presence in our intimacy does it mean anything, or have a chance of surviving a lifetime of emotional ups and downs - of trials and temptations, sucesses and failures, acheivements and losses, better and worse, sickness and health. Only by the workings of God can we truly obtain "till death do us part". Because frankly, life is tough. And even in friendships I desire to just give up when it gets too hard. When that person stops listening, stops caring about your needs, doesn't return your calls, etc. - it's so much easier to just say "Forget it! I give up trying, this isn't worth the effort!" But because God is in the midst of those relationships, that copout isn't an option for me - even when it's what every other part of me desperately wants to do.

And that is where I am with my pregnant friend. She's grown up with the same convictions, beliefs, and values. She stood with me to proclaim abstinence until marriage. She knows that God has a plan, and that plan contains His absolute best for us. And she chose to abandon it. She chose to believe the lie that our Enemy desires to convince us of since the Garden...God is withholding something from us, and that thing is better than anything he's currently offering. At the core, it is that God is, in fact, not good at all - but instead he's mean, and untrustworthy. And what a lie it is!! He is none of those things - he is in fact, very good - so good that we can't fathom his blessings, which he is waiting to pour out on us.

And so I'm at a loss with my friend. Because I don't know how to be in relationship with her right now. But because God formed our friendship, I also absolutely can't walk out on her either - I don't have it in me to abandon her, as much as the human, fallen side of me wants to. That frustrated part of me says, "You didn't listen when I said 'Be accoutable to someone so you don't mess up.' and you didn't listen when I said 'Walk away - he's not God's best for you." And while I know that she doesn't have to listen to me, like the rest of us she has the freedom to choose for herself - now, I think I begin to understand the heart of a parent of teenagers. I understand now what it feels like when you desperately want them to make the right choices, knowing that one bad one could end up costing a lot - could dramatically change the course of their lives - but in the midst of that, being powerless to force them to actually do it. To have to sit back and watch their choices unfold into either blessings or consequences. And the consequences are the hardest. Because I'm at a place right now where I almost hang my head at the fact that when she came to months ago, confessing that they were having sex, I wanted her to have earthly, immediate consequences. Because if she didn't, how did that impact my decision not to have sex? If there were no visible consequences, then somehow the sin of it wasn't justified. That was a lie too, but beyond that I know something now that I didn't know then, while I was asking for justice.

I didn't know how dramatically her consequences would impact me. I didn't know how much it would break my heart to watch her actually eternally tie herself to this guy. As much as I don't like him, now he's part of her life forever - married or not. And that's the next step. What if they do get married? What if, as her friend, I have to deal with him all the time?! And what if it fails? What if they "give it a go" and can't make it work? What if they put the same triviality toward marriage that they have toward sex? What if they don't take it any more seriously, what if they approach it with the same flippant-ness, and again miss out on God's best?

Only time will tell. And as for me, I'm exhausted. Exhasted by the thought that I'm uncontrollably tied to my friendship, bound by my unspoken oath to love her as my best friend, no matter what bad choices she makes, no matter how chaotic she makes her life (and mine). Because God said that there's no greater love than that which causes one to lay down their own life for a friend. And so, I die to my personal opinions and desire to run away, and I embrace her. It's not going to be easy. It may be the hardest thing I'll ever do. Because right now, nothing I've done up to this point has been this hard - not even sharing my faith in China.

So if you are a Christian, who desires to live under God's rules, and you can see what a huge struggle this is for me - I beg of you to pray for me, and for yourself - that we would be messengers of God's grace, forgiveness, and love. Especially when it's hardest to do so.