In need of Grace...

I don't know where I've been lately. On another planet. Surrounded by unfamiliar territory. Dodging the debris that threatens my life. Or in a field, filled with the most beautiful flowers, surrounded by the most beautiful autumn trees, isolated from everyone and everything that threatens my bliss! And in the middle of a tornado, the very center. I can see all of creation swirling around me. And I know that if I stuck my hand out to capture one thing and rescue it, that I would be sucked into the twisting death chamber.

It feels strange to write those things. I don't usually write that way. I'm usually straightforward, forthcoming, etc. about my feelings, about what I'm dealing with. But there are many things. And there is still a safety net under me if I don't give anyone too many details.

I felt judgment this week. Not from anyone in particular. I just sat on my floor and began to hear the comments of well-meaning, typical Christians - deciding what is spiritual and what is not. Informing me of thoughts, desires, hopes, struggles, emotional places of being, etc. that are not where I'm supposed to be. Sometimes they cover it with "when I feel that way", or "i desire that too, but God..." - and all I hear is blah, blah blah after that.

Maybe if you're reading this, and you're one of those well-meaning brothers or sisters of mine, you could speak justification about their points of view. But you know what. So what! I'm sick of people telling me "what God thinks" or something along those lines. Because I've got news for you. God talks to me too. God reveals his heart to me too. And guess what. He gave me one word this week. Grace. Give it and receive it.

A good friend told me about a comment by Martin Luther, I think. When asked by his congregation why he preached on "grace" every single Sunday, his response was something along the lines of...because every week you walk in those doors having forgotten it. And is there a truer statement about Christians today? Every Sunday we walk through those church doors having forgotten that we were so in need of grace this week, and the world around us desperately needed grace from us, and grace is the only reason we have anything to boast about in our Christianity.

There would be no room for self-righteousness if we lived by grace. If we truly understand how much we need it to survive, we might be more generous in giving it to the rest of the world too, or at least to one another - the downhearted, beaten-up by life, needy, exhausted, left-on-the-side-of-the-road-for-dead lot of us. Thank God for a Savior! Thank God that this week I felt the grace of Jesus like I have never felt it before. It's the only thing that's made it bearable, tolerable, withstandable.