Friendship

I'm pondering friendships today. My friendships.

There are a couple broken relationships. A long-time friendship that continues to blossom. And some new friendships forming. And some old friendships that are getting sweeter with time, like aging fine wine!

Friendship is a funny thing. It's hard to define. It's hard to know how to distinguish sometimes between friendships and aquaintences. At least for me. Friendship usually comes quick for me. Or at least I like to refer to people as friends rather quickly after meeting them, usually on our second encounter they acquire the title "Friend". Yet, there are so many layers and levels to my friendships.

There are the friends who I've known practically all my life, but rarely ever see. But when we do (after years and years) finally get together, we pick up right where we left off. We catch each other up, and then just delight in one another's company. They don't know the deep things of me, but they share in my mountains and valleys, the "big events". They know my sorrows and my joys, at least the "front-page" ones.

There are friends who I'm around a lot more often, but still not often enough. Those whose company brings me a sense of renewal each week. Those who I play with, laugh with, cry with, share with, fellowship, and talk about God with. They don't necessarily know all the deep things of me, but they are fun. They know a bit more of me. They know what makes me sad or frustrated, excited or scared.

Then there are the friends who I talk to very rarely. We see each other on occassion. Usually special occassions and get-togethers. We don't keep in touch. But for awhile, we were part of one another's lives. At some point in our histories, something caused us to be part of something together. I seem to have a whole lot of these friends. Some of them know deeper things than others, depending on what was happening in my life while we were together. But none of them knows the deepest parts of me. My hopes, dreams, aspirations, greatest fears, abiding joys. They only know the highlights of my life.

And then there are a couple friends who have sat with me as I've processed some hard, tragic, overwhelmingly exciting, and awesome things in life. These two have been there when I've been between a rock and hard place - spiritually, emotionally, physically. They've held me when I didn't think I could stand up any longer. They've wiped away many tears from my eyes. Their words have been life-giving and challenging. They've loved me the best, and hurt me the worst. But they have stayed. Through all of my crap. All of the things about me that God has been refining me of year after year after year after year - they've stayed by my side, no matter how ugly, and uninviting, and difficult, and horrible, and unforgiving, and pig-headed I've been. They've seen my worst. And they've loved me anyways. And they've refused their own desire to leave, to walk away, and to abandon me. They are so very precious to me.

But then there's One. My very Best Friend. The Man who goes beyond never leaving, He makes my ugly look beautiful. Not only does He wipe away my tears, He kisses them and turns them into diamonds of hope, renewal, and restoration! He has never hurt me. He's challenged me, and taken me through some difficult places, but never hurt me. He is the One who gives those two special friends the ability to be how they are. He gives them the strength to stay. To be His arms to hug me, and lips to speak words to comfort me, and ears to hear my every triumph and failure. He loves me more than I can ever fathom! He desires me with passion that no lovers have ever experienced! His tears over my sorrows are rains and floods. His delight in my joys are the sunniest afternoons, with flowers in bloom and trees for shade. His presence is like the most comfortable sweatshirt, or a quiet evening by the fire with hot chocolate and snow falling gently outside the window.

That's what I would say Jesus' friendship feels like. He is the depth and height of me. He is every mountain and every valley. Every walk through the woods or pause along the beach. He is that quiet awe that comes when you stare out over the expanse of the ocean, and you recongnize how small and insignificant you are. And He is the giant roar that wells up inside you when you hold a wounded animal in one hand and know that you are, in that moment, in charge of its every next heartbeat. He is... He is truly I AM. Because there is no end to the descriptions of who He is, and what He accomplishes, ignites, stirs, and calms within us.

So those are my friendships. As best as I can describe them. My attempt definitely falls short of reality in its entirety, though. However, I am thankful for each type of friend. My life is full because of the diversity of them all. I wouldn't discard any of them. Nor would I be satisfied if I had to pick only one kind from them all. As hard as it is sometimes, as frustrated as I get, each type of friendship draws out something in me that makes me get better. That helps me know more about how to love and look like Christ. Each type offers its own set of challenges and joys.

And right now, it's those broken ones that weigh on my heart. That cause me to sit at the throne of grace and seek wisdom, healing. I beg the Father to bring Himself into those and bandage my failures in their lives. I'm trusting that only He has the power to restore those friendships to any level. So I wait, and pray, and hope. That forgiveness is growing in their hearts, and healing is waiting just around the corner. Pray with me and for me. Because until Christ comes, I am doomed to continue messing up.

Because of all this, in the midst of all this - I can say with conviction: I'm truly blessed.