Liberation

I think it's interesting that I haven't blogged in awhile. For most it isn't unusual at all. Most of us have blogging plateaus and valleys. And it's not because I haven't had anything to say. Quite the opposite, really. God has been doing some amazing things in my life lately. I'm really changing from the inside out.

But I guess, if I really nailed it down - the things God is revealing to me are so controversial. For many friends and family it would be labeled heretical. So I guess that's why it's hard to write about. Even though it's what consumes me right now. I mean, there's the easy, surface-level, stuff to write about without fear - like I feel God is calling me to be more involved in social justice/action stuff - whatever that looks like I'm still not sure. And I feel like I'm being called away from all the churchy stuff that's fake and legalistic and Pharisee-like.

But the hard stuff to write about is stuff like - I don't really believe in Heaven and Hell the way that I used to. And I don't really believe that evangelism like I was taught to do is really what we're supposed to be doing. I don't think that eternity is the point anymore. I don't think that it matters all that much if Noah and Job and whoever else were real people with a real, factual story/account. I don't think I have to interpret the Bible literally, word for word anymore. I don't think that those things change Who God is, or the whole point of it all. I don't think that it changes my love for God or my ability to find truth in Him. I don't think our faith is hinged on Scripture - it's hinged on Jesus and what He did, and yes, I think those are two different things. I think Christians have gone wrong in fighting battles that are pointless or not ours to fight. I think it's wrong for us to be so worried about other people's sin, other people's decisions regarding Christ. As I've been looking at Scripture the last few weeks - I see more and more evidence that the Bible is supposed to be from God to me, and from God to you - not from God to me so that I can explain and push my interpretation of it on you and everyone else who'll listen.

But see, none of that's going to go over well with many of my friends. And I have a feeling that I've cared far too much about you, out there, whoever you are. I'm so concerned about who's going to read this, you who have been my friends, and how you will disagree, and then your reaction toward me from then on. But this is my place. This is my blog. This is really for me - to journal freely, because this has been the only place where I can. For whatever reason, all those journal books in my room are empty, but in the beginning I was so drawn to pouring my heart out on this computer screen.

So I'm repenting. I'm repenting of being more concerned with your reactions to my thoughts than my need to express them. I'm an out-loud processor. And this place has been therapeutic for me. And I will choose to not allow other people's opinions to prevent me from expressing my own, in my own space.

So, God only knows what will follow this post! It's time to start being bold in my beliefs again. Why is it that I was so "ok" with my beliefs being challenged or disrespected by those who did not agree when they lined up with the majority of my Christian friends? But now that my beliefs do not, I'm more afraid of the reactions of those within my faith background than those outside it? And the people who don't know Christ are the ones who I should be more concerned about offending, so as to not prevent the gospel from being able to find a place to root and grow! Not you whose faith is secure whether or not we agree or disagree on stuff that doesn't really matter. (Of course, some of the stuff that I believe doesn't matter, is the central point for you. So therein lies our problems.) But if I'm wrong, I'm not all that worried about it! And if you're wrong, I'm not that worried about it either!