Beautiful Lies

OK, so I can't sleep. Which is when most of my best blogging occurs, so this oughta be good! It's probably also why I haven't been able to post in awhile...it's the stuff that keeps me awake at night that usually ends up here. And it's been awhile since I've been "sleepless in Seattle....or Arlington....whatever."

So....I'm gonna need to start at the beginning for this one.

A couple weeks ago, my friend, Malia, and I ended up having a great conversation one night about the way that Satan attacks us, women, on the issues of beauty, femininity, sexuality (sexyness especially), and our bodies. We came to several conclusions about the lies we have come to believe.

****************************************

Lie #1. Satan has convinced us, through media and culture, that beauty....but more importantly, our femininity...is based on physical appearance alone.

~ The truth that overpowers that lie is: One big part of a woman's true display of femininity lies within her ability to cause men to be masculine. A man's most basic need is to be respected and admired. A woman who makes the men in her life, especially her boyfriend or husband, feel that way is more feminine in the eyes of that man than a woman who has a nice body to look at. And that's only one small taste of the things outside physical appearance that contribute to what encompasses every woman as a feminine being!

Lie #2. Satan has also convinced us that there is an ideal body type that all men long for.

~The truth to counter that lie is the simplicity that men have so many different tastes and likes. Two of my friends' significant others aren't attracted to incredibly skinny women. And there are more of them out there. Several women who I'm friends with have talked about how their men aren't "butt-guys" or "breast guys" - each man differs in the body part that attracts him most. Some guys could care less what size your boobs are, but are very aware of how big or small your butt is. Or vice versa. Or some guy out there may care very little about those two things, but wants his woman to have muscular arms. Who knows. Guys are so unique, just as we women are. And it's rediculous for us to believe Satan's lie that there is one specific build and body type that will attract every man on this earth. (Which I believe we know, but need to hear, and say, much more often!) Because....THAT'S NOT GIVING GOD MUCH CREDIT IN THE CREATIVITY DEPARTMENT! He (God) gave us unique likes and dislikes in order for His creation to express His infinite love for creativity and diversity. He gave us personal preferences in order that we may glorify Him through our differences, our uniqueness. God took great delight and pleasure in the fact that we are each a one-of-a-kind, a masterpiece that can neither be copied or reproduced. No matter how much success cloning attains - it will never be successful....because there can never be 100% another you! Or me!

One other thing related to this Lie is something we figured out together as we talked. She said, "I've always felt like having muscular arms made me less feminine - it gave me more of a masculine look." My response to that was, "I'm intrigued that you feel that way, since the lie Satan has told me is that I would be more feminine if my arms were more muscular and less fat and flabby." And so I pointed out..."Isn't that interesting that Satan has lied to both of us concerning the same body part...but has told us two different lies. You believe you are less feminine for having the very thing that I've been led to believe I'm less feminine for not having!"

Lie #3. The last lie I will mention here, is the belief we have come to hold, that what we have to offer our boyfriends, husbands, or future boyfriends or husbands...really isn't the most they deserve, it's not the best they could have, it's not enough. We have believed the statement... "If I just had bigger boobs, or a flatter stomach, or more muscle and less fat...(fill in the blank)....then he would be happier, more satisfied, more proud to be in relationship with me."

It is the lie that our looks determine our ability or worthiness to be loved. It's the lie that our beauty, our physical attractiveness....based on our own sight (which is definitely not 20/20!)....is what determines our worth in the eyes of a man. And then we destroy his ability to be captivated by us because we basically shake him and scream...."You don't want to love me! Trust me! I'm not what you want or are looking for at all!"

~The truth is that men are saying back to us, as one friend's boyfriend so heroically did actually say outloud, "Stop telling me what I want and don't want...and let me tell you that I want YOU!" Can you hear him?.....you with small boobs, or big hips, or fat waist, or broad shoulders (insert your personal self-defined "deformity" or "shortcoming"). He's saying, "I want you, exactly as you are! I don't love you despite them....I love those parts too. I'm attracted to you because of those aspects to your physical appearance. They make you, you!"

So there's part 1!!

****************************************

That was the highlights from our conversation a couple weeks ago. Which leads me to tonight. After articulating together those lies, and recognizing how blatantly obvious they are when simply talked about together, and how Satan lies to us from different angles on the same issue...we came to the conclusion that we needed to have a girls night, and talk about this with more women. Because our eyes were opened to the lies more and more by talking about it together and hearing, out loud, how Satan was deceiving us separately regarding the exact same things....we knew this needed to become exposed!

So tonight, we had a Girls' Night, which we called "Beautiful Lies". And two more women came and talked about this with us. And WOW- the power of God was definitely at work among us! We talked about those Lies more indepth.

But the reason I couldn't sleep was because of a conversation that took place in the grocery store right before our gathering.

I ran into the wife of the college minister at the church I used to belong to, who I had invited to this gathering, also. She couldn't make it, but I told her a little bit about what we'd be talking about. She brought up to points that I've heard so much growing up in a Southern Baptist church, but that I now have come to believe are also lies.

****************************************

1. "The best way to fight Satan is with Scripture. It's the only way that truly works."

~ Do I believe that prayer and knowledge of Scripture help us fight against Satan's schmes? You bet! But do I think they are the only or best way? Heck no! What we experienced in my living room tonight has far better equipped me to know Satan's plan of attack and guard against it. Is Scripture involved? Yes. But I'm not reciting verses about how I'm beautiful in God's sight or that true beauty is found within me.

While those statements are true, they are not good weapons. But identifying those lies we discusses together both, Malia and I, and then the four of us tonight.....and hearing others say and affirm that the things that I think I need to fix about myself to be more like what they have, are the very same things that Satan convinces them they need to fix also. That helps me see the big bright red flag that we're both being lied to. And I don't need more scripture passages to spout off to Satan like a mantra that if only memorized and repeated will ward off evil spirits....but I need to experience those scriptures as living and active...to know my true worth and beauty by knowing where Satan will attack and beating him to the punch with my knowledge of truth. Not head knowledge, heart knowledge.

To know that my beauty is so much broader and deeper than my physical appearance. But to also know that that is part of it. And to believe I have it. I need to know the things in me that are points of weakness that Satan will aim for. He knows that if I feel my friends are prettier and skinnier that he will drive a wedge into our friendship - a wedge of jealousy, envy, and bitterness. He knows that if I believe that I don't have anything worth offering to a man - then I will indeed appear to be ugly....because of my own self-consciousness and lack of confidence. And the many things that I do have to offer will be hidden in the shadow of my vanity - my focus on me and what I don't have, rather than what I have to give...to offer...to bless....to encourage and build up.

So the first thing that she said that bothered me was our evangelical rubbish that we find all of our defenses and answers in Scripture. It's not the magic recipe for life's every problem. It offers answers....but those answers are drawn out as we live in community. Not by spouting off chapter and verse over and over until we believe it. I come to believe it by living it out...in relationship...in community. I didn't come to believe myself to be beautiful because I finally believed Psalm 45:10-11 or Proverbs 31:30 or 1 Peter 3:3-4. I came to believe those verses because in my living and active relationship with Christ he poured those truths into my heart. Both through time alone with himself, and with time among friends who have helped me really, actually, see that beauty in me for myself. Not in a prideful or vain way...but just in an acknowledgement of the truth kind of way. Knowing those verses didn't dispel the lies, coming to believe the truth in a deep, beyond words, kindof way helped those verses make sense and come alive as a testimony of what has already been done in my heart.

The other thing that she said to me which I believe to be a lie. And what is the real reason I needed to come on here and blog all this is the belief that...

2. "You have to say it out loud because Satan does not know and cannot hear our thoughts."

~ I haven't come across any Scripture to back that up. Not my way of using scripture or by most others' way. Nothing that I've ever read has led me to believe that there is basis for that belief to hold fast. Satan doesn't often attack my body. He has, in the past...especially on mission trips, I believe, caused me to be sick so that I am "put out of commission" in being a part of something God is doing in the midst of us. But that happens so much less frequently, so much more rarely, than him attacking my mind. And how, logically, is he going to know that his attacks are working unless he can know my thoughts going down the path he wants them to? I don't say anything out loud to suggest that I'm buying into his lies, that I'm gearing up to act on what is in my head. How can he know my weaknesses, and yet not know when his mind games are working? Why else would Paul, in Philippians 4 , encourage us to pray as a means of bringing about "peace that guards our hearts and minds"? Why would we need to guard our heart and our mind if Satan didn't have access to manipulating them?

There is no logic in the idea that Satan can put thoughts in our head, but then is powerless to control or unknowledgeable about what takes place with those thoughts from that point on. That has never made sense to me. Of course he knows our thoughts! That's how he knows if his provoking, and enticing, and frustrating is working! So that he can then attack harder and more on target. I think, we as Christians are dangerously naive when we underestimate Satan's abilities.

****************************************

If I'm wrong, though I don't believe I am, I would rather err on the side of giving Satan too much credit and thus guarding and protecting myself more efficiently, than underestimate his power and abilities in our lives this side of eternity.

Think of it in terms of something more familiar....would the U.S. have suffered so severely at Pearl Harbor if we had chosen to anticipate the Japanese to have capabilities that exceeded our expectations, vs. the reality of our prideful, misfortunate, disasterous underestimation of those capabilities? Does our history provide us some spiritual insight to ponder? Do we continue to suffer personal, spiritual casualties because we have pridefully assumed Satan to be weaker and less able than what is actually true?