Weddings and Communion

A friend of mine from college got married over the weekend. I always love those kind of weddings because they also serve as small reunions! I got a chance to catch up with some girls that I don't get to see often, and probably won't see again (except a couple) until the next one of us gets married.

I love weddings. Not just because of my romantic side, which loves the girly-ness, and princess-like aspects of finding one's Prince Charming, who promises to love and honor and cherish you for the rest of your life. Though that is definitely one part of weddings I do, admittedly, enjoy.
But because weddings are bigger than that. Whether the couple knows it or not, whether they base their ceremony around it or not...weddings point us to a day that Christians wait in anticipation of in the hopefully not-far-off future. The Great Wedding Day! When the Bride of Christ finally meets her Groom! When the fairy tale ending of "happily ever after" that makes chick-flicks enticing, is finally our reality! I hope that someday God will grant me marriage, and I also hope that my wedding ceremony will point loud and clear to the bigger picture.

I intensely love symbolism. I can't really explain it. I just do. I love the things that God puts on this earth to serve as a symbol of a bigger reality - a small representation of His immaculate glory. One of my favorites is communion. I think going to ACU, being surrounded for four years by a different perspective on communion, really enhanced that.

Julie did something in her wedding that I really love - not only did she and her groom take communion - she opened it to the congregation. We all took communion! And even though Church of Christ tradition is similar to Baptist's, in that we used Welch's instead of the fruit of the vine, it was still an awesome experience. I think I love communion so much because of all the senses that are awakened through it, and all the symbolism in it!

The method she had us use, was to take the broken-off piece of bread (real bread, not that cracker nonsense!) and then dip it into the cup of juice. A couple of my friends made the comment that they can't stand soggy bread, so it was really hard for them to do that. (I actually like the taste, probably for one, because I dip my bread in stuff all the time - leftover salad dressing on the plate, those dipping sauces at fancy Italian restaurants, etc.; but also, because when I take communion that way, I remember when the guard offered Jesus the vinegar drenched sponge to quench his thirst as he hung on the cross.

I'm also more of a wine fan over the grape juice (odd as that may be, having grown up mostly in a Baptist church) because of it's assalt on one's tastebuds. I'll never forget my cousin's funeral (at a Catholic church), when communion was served. Forgetting that I wasn't allowed to take communion there, I was so surprised by the taste of wine (having been so accustomed to grape juice) it took a minute to remember that non-Catholics are not supposed to paricipate in communion. I was kind of proud of myself later - thinking, "HAHA! You can't hinder my fellowship in the body and blood of Christ!" And when I reflected more on the experience later on, I realized that there is something uniqely different in having wine hit your tastebuds rather than grape juice. Red wine is dry, and bitter - unlike the sweetness of grape juice. And I like that. Because the act that communion as a whole symbolizes was a bitter thing. It wasn't fair that Jesus had to die for sins he didn't commit, to save a people who rejected him while he did it.

I love watching the person serving the bread break off my piece from the rest of the loaf. It reminds me that I am only a small part of something much bigger. That there is a body, and a Body; a church, and a Church. That I am part of a local congregation, but even that congregation is part of the Congregation of all believers in Jesus, the Messiah!

I love that communion, just the word, speaks of its overall purpose - the unifying act, the drawing of community, of those of us who have Christ in common. I like that it is an invitation from Jesus to participate in something that reminds us of Him. And selfishly, I like that only Christians are invited to take it, because it is a reminder of Jesus being who He said He was, and that it is our statement of belief that His sacrifice on the cross did what He promised it would do, that it would break the chains of sin and death - the foundation of Christianity.

I love hearing the words, "This is the body of Christ broken for you" and "this is the blood of Christ shed for you". I love that as we partake communion because He said "do this in remembrance of Me", I also get to feel the intimacy that I was on His heart - that He went through with it, He stayed on that cross, because He loves me in a way that is incomparable, and un-repeatable. No one who will ever walk this earth will ever have the strength or selflessness to love me that deeply. He can because He made me, He was the one who made my eyes brown, my laugh loud, my personality outgoing, my need for hugs, and my heart quick to love.

There is something slightly sweet in the midst of the bitterness of wine. Something that makes one sip become one more, and another, and then another...
I remember my 21st birthday. I decided that since I was now legally able to drink alcohol, I needed to begin with the right attitude towards it. That if I was going to drink, then I needed to be reminded to do it in such a way that would never dishonor God, or hinder my relationship with Him and my brothers and sisters in the faith. So my closest friends and I had dinner at Macaroni Grill (because I like their bread!), and took communion together. (And I think that God saw that as legit - even though there wasn't an ordained minister serving it, and it wasn't blessed by a priest, and we used real wine, and we weren't in a church.) What I remember most was one of my friends' cringing at the bitterness. Then we ordered a sweeter, fruity-er wine to replace it for the meal. And I'll always remember her going back to the original glass every once in a while throughout the meal, and cringing each time, saying, "I keep thinking I will get used to it, and start liking it, but nope!"

My we never get used to it! But may we keep tasting it, like a wine-taster - who knows that the bitterness of red wine is what makes it perfect, and knowing the hidden sweetness that only a knowing tongue can taste. Let those of us who are in Christ know the hidden sweetness in the bitter cross, that we are free indeed because of it!

I pray that my evangelical Christian brothers and sisters take the opportunity to take communion just once in their life with real wine. That they would let the symbolism overtake them for those brief moments - that they would experience it in the way I've described. That it would stir in them the anticipation that it has stirred in me, the longing and excitement for the Wedding Supper of the Lamb - when Jesus will put wine to his tastebuds again for the first time since He introduced communion to us in that upper room before His arrest, with the 12 men that He'd invested in for 3 years - when He invited us to "do this in remembrance of Me".

The Old Testament

I just started reading a book called, The Bible Jesus Read, by Phillip Yancey. So far I'm loving it! When I went to Pennsylvania for a semester a couple years ago, God began in me an interest in the Jewish people. I can't really explain it - they facinate and intrigue me.

It partly began by being surrounded by them in the Pittsburgh area, but also by reading a book called Girl Meets God, by Lauren Winner. She is the daugther of a Jewish father and a lapsed Southern Baptist mother. After their divorce, her mother kept one promise to him, to raise Lauren in Jewish schools in order to convert to the Jewish faith when she could. Girl Meets God is her story of that journey...and then beyond, as she soon after converts to Christianity. Winner's second book, Mudhouse Sabbath, really took me over the edge as far as my interest in the Jewish community - because it lays out several things that are part of Jewish tradition or law which Christians would benefit from incorporating some means of a revised version into our own practices.

My interest has continued to deepen and expand over time. I am in a place now in which I have a deep sense of desire to spend some quality time in the Old Testament. To really know it. Yancey's book really deals with that issue - that Christians are quite unfamiliar with the Old Testament, sometimes even on the level of what would be considered "the basics". Yancey also addresses the issue that in the same way that the Old Testament in incomplete without the new, without the Messiah's arrival, so too is the New Testament incomplete without the Old. He discusses how Jesus and the people of his time read and quoted those Scriptures. It is those scriptures that revealed the characteristics of the Messiah that Jesus would one day fulfill.

Anyways, I wonder about how much we disregard Old Testament laws - dietary and such - as not pertaining to us. If we believe that the Ten Commandments apply to us (and evangelical Christians would like them to apply to the world) then why not the rest? If we believe we are now ingrafted into the benefits of God, which were once only available to the Jews because of their unique relationship with Yahweh, then should we not also be accountable to the same restrictions and limitations?

It seems as though we like to take the good, the pleasant, the "blessings" verses out of the Old Testament (i.e. "I know the plans I have for you..." from Jeremiah), even when we take it out of context to do so. But you won't find many who take the curses, the limitations, or judgment because of sin out of context, unless it applies to someone besides ourselves. That is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to Christians - taking scripture out of context for the purpose of attributing blessings on oneself.

So, I'll be studying up on that for awhile. That's what's on my heart today! I'm sure many people will disagree with me on this one, but that's ok. Like I've said, I'm interested in reading Scripture for what it says, not what I've been taught to believe it says.

Movie and Discussion

Some friends of mine and I got together the other night...some guys who I really look up to, for their faith, their character, and their incredible wisdom.

We watched a movie that came out not that long ago, called Saved!, which seriously and humorously addresses the issue of judgmental, hypocritical Christians. Afterwards we got into a great discussion time.

This is the heart of what we discussed:

What can Christians do to become more comfortable & inviting to those who are not Christians?

My response was that we need to stop being "Pharisees". (And one of my good friends is helping me stop using what we like to call "Christianese", i.e. churchy words). So to define that more fully: We need to stop deciding that we have the authority to pass judgment on every human being that walks the earth, and then follow up by instructing them on how to live, what to change, who to be, and what they can and cannot do. We've also talked about it in the sense of - we have to stop expecting people who aren't Christians to act as though they are.

There is a difficult task for Christians - to present the gospel in an enticing way, to live in such a way as to make Christ attractive, and to have conversations with people that present the opportunity for them to experience the joy, excitement, hope, and peace that God provides. It is difficult because our world doesn't really find Christianity (and therefore, Christ) all that attractive. Because all they see are the judgments, the rules, the hypocricy.

And there's a balance to be had. As a Christian, (although some of my friends opposed the use of this word) I feel there is a Law to be obeyed. Christ didn't abolish the Law the Jews based their faith in, he fulfilled it - as my pastor said recently, he filled it full. Christ made the Law make sense, have a real purpose.

Yes, on one hand I do believe that the Law shows us how much we need God's grace. Because we cannot, no matter how hard we try, ever be perfect. Jesus was the only one. It's because we are human that we cannot ever be sinless on this earth. And so yes, one purpose of the Law was to show us that we need a way to get to God, because we will never be able to do it on our own.

But just as it was for the Jews, given by God for the benefit of His people - so it is still for us. It is still commands, not requests, that Christians should accept and follow, be obedient to. Not because if we don't God will smite us, kill or destroy us. I do believe in consequences, and I do believe that those consequences are from God, whether they're immediate or not, visible or not.

There is an opportunity to be had by being obedient to those Laws - the ability to experience a deeper relationship with Christ, a blessed and healthy lifestyle, and a life that speaks volumes in a world that obeys only oneself, is submissive to no one.

Anyways...just a few thoughts from that conversation.

Oh, and that friend approached me the next day with another thought on that subject. He said, "What if another part of that inability to socialize with non-Christians is our pride? I hate that bumper sticker that says 'Real Men Love Jesus' - it's so cocky and arrogant to say that I'm a real man and you're not because I have something that you don't, because I've been blessed enough to find Jesus, and be accepted by him. What does that say about our attitude to an unbelieving world? I just think it's so prideful."

And you know what, I think he's right. I don't know how I feel about the bumper sticker, but I definitely think that our judgmental attitude is because of our pride. That because we are a Christian, we are somehow better than everyone who isn't. What a ridiculous idea. We aren't better, we're just blessed - by grace, which is available to everyone. And we are so unworthy of it (just like everyone) that it's not something to be shown-off in a "na-na-na-na-na, look-what-I-have-and-you-don't" kind of way; but rather an "Oh-my-gosh! Can you believe this is free?! You've gotta get this!" kind of way!

Let me know what you think if you want!

Two New Revelations from Scripture

I saw two things in scripture today that for some reason I had never seen before.

First - I was reading through Genesis again. I remember questioning many times, "Why is Abel's offering acceptable to God and Cain's isn't?" There seemed for a long time to be no clear written word as to the "why" which lead to Cain's awful act of murder against his only brother. But today I think I might have found it.

Let's look at the passage:

Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course
of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the
LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of
his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on
Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and
his face was downcast.
Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

(Genesis 4:2-7)

This passage specifies that Abel brought "fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock", whereas Cain is said only to have brought some of the fruits of the soil.

The issue I can see, for the first time, is that Abel brough the "firstfruits" of his profit. Cain brought God some of the leftovers. Why else would God accuse Cain of not doing what is right, according to verse 7?

I know that so many times I do not give to God my "firstfruits" (tithe) in many areas of my life, not only financially. I think I struggle most with not giving God the firstfruits of my time. How many times do I make excuses or procrastinate on spending time with him, putting it off until
"later", only "later" so often takes weeks to come.

A friend of mine posed a question on his blog (to see it, click on Brock Paulk's blog in my list of links to my friend's blogs), about worship. I think the reason why we struggle with worship has many facets, but I think a big part of it has to do with our lack of intimacy with Him. I say this
because I truly believe that if we were truly initmate with our Father, Savior, Friend, Beloved - then worship would be a natural response. But that intimacy only comes from time spent together. A marriage cannot survive if the couple never has alone time together, never spends time listening to one another's hearts, never seeks to constantly learn more about one another.
A couple's relationship cannot maintain "till death do us part" if there is alack of intimacy. How then do we expect to maintain a lifelong, thriving relationship with our God if we have the mentality of 15-minute "quiet times", which if we are honest are nothing more than 15 minutes of agonizingly trying to focus on reading a passage of scripture, all the while thinking of the many other things we need to get done that day, or just struggling against a bored, wandering mind.

The second passage of scripture that I had a great revelation about was Matthew 24:37-31:

As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of
Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking,
marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they
knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all
away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will
be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be
grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

For all my life I have been taught that the one taken is the Christian ("raptured") and the one left is the non-Christian. But I was encouraged recently to take a deeper look at the phrase that preceedes it all: "As it was in the days of Noah. . ."

That hit me like a windstorm! What happened in the days of Noah?! It was the righteous who were left, and the unrighteous who were taken (killed)by the flood! Does that just blow you away? Has anyone else always read that passage the same way I always used to? Is anyone's view of the second coming of Christ as dramatically changed as mine has been?

Now, I know I could be wrong. And I'm ok with that - because I know, either way-whichever form the 2nd Coming takes, that I am part of the righteous (only because of Jesus' redemption of my sin) who will be with God. But you've got to stop and think about it. My heart and my passion is to stop reading scripture in such a way as to prove what I've always believed, but rather to read it in such as way as to grow and mature in my wisdom and depth of insight into the heart of God! I hope that someone else out there might stumble upon this blog and question and dig into scripture with me!

That's all for now!

I'm making progress!

Well,
As usual God continues to teach me! I have done a l0t of processing about my friend's situation. I think He's slowly changing my heart. I know now that I can be a supportive friend and unwavering in my beliefs at the same time. Through much prayer and conversation with many women who are older and wiser than I am - I've come to understand the truth that she knows how I feel, and that's good, but now, the most important thing I can do is be the best friend I possibly can, and decide to support her in whatever decisions/choices she makes from this point on - trusting in God's presence in her life.

It's still a tough place for me. I guess because I haven't seen much of that through the choices she's made up to this point. But I have to keep her humanity in perspective also. I have to remember that we all sin, and sometimes we sin in "bigger" ways than other times. ("Bigger" meaning in ways that result in more dramatic/life-altering consequences.) For her, this is one of those times. But God is using this to remind me of my own humanity. Of my own predestined bent towards choosing my own way over His. My own desire to pursue immediate pleasures that this world offers - whatever facet that takes.

He has opened my eyes to a path, a series of choices, that I could at some point easily choose myself. One mistake. One wrong choice. One bad decision. I'm as close to it as anyone else, including her. And it's only the power of Christ in me, the prayers of those who love me, and the choice to be accountable to people that will keep me from it. I feel that that is the heart of what was missing in her life at the time of all these choices. Choosing to not strategically place trustworthy people in her life that would ask the tough questions about her dating relationship with this guy. People she would have to be tranparently honest with so that they could pray like crazy for her while providing the accountability that causes people to build up "hedges of protection" around their relationships. Footholds, rather than strongholds. I'm almost scared to death of the day I enter into a serious dating relationship; when the time comes for me to set boundaries - that my spirit will desperately need and want, but that my flesh will fight, to the death, against.

Pray for me to begin relationships of accountability in preparation for that time. Pray that I will be a friend that loves at all times. (Prov 17:17) Pray that God will give me wisdom to respond to her situation in an upright, but tender and loving way. Pray that I will be an encouragement to her, not "righteous" Christian who proclaims my standards, but lacks love.

Closing thoughts:
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol. If I have the gift of prophesy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:1-8)

Lord, let this be true of me, of my character, as I walk with my friend.

God and relationships

Well, I've done a lot of pondering over the last few hours - and covered many different topics! I'm currently struggling because a friend of mine found out she's pregnant, and she's not married to the father, at least not yet. I know in our culture that's not a big deal anymore - even to some Christians, it's just life these days. But I stand to proclaim that it is a sad path. God desperately wants us to know true intimacy. And that intimacy is only found in a committed marriage relationship. And then, only when God is at the center of it. Because only then can you truly walk through a marriage holding on to the knowledge that that person has the potential to truly love you for the rest of his or her life - no conditions, no outs. Only by the grace of God, and his presence in our intimacy does it mean anything, or have a chance of surviving a lifetime of emotional ups and downs - of trials and temptations, sucesses and failures, acheivements and losses, better and worse, sickness and health. Only by the workings of God can we truly obtain "till death do us part". Because frankly, life is tough. And even in friendships I desire to just give up when it gets too hard. When that person stops listening, stops caring about your needs, doesn't return your calls, etc. - it's so much easier to just say "Forget it! I give up trying, this isn't worth the effort!" But because God is in the midst of those relationships, that copout isn't an option for me - even when it's what every other part of me desperately wants to do.

And that is where I am with my pregnant friend. She's grown up with the same convictions, beliefs, and values. She stood with me to proclaim abstinence until marriage. She knows that God has a plan, and that plan contains His absolute best for us. And she chose to abandon it. She chose to believe the lie that our Enemy desires to convince us of since the Garden...God is withholding something from us, and that thing is better than anything he's currently offering. At the core, it is that God is, in fact, not good at all - but instead he's mean, and untrustworthy. And what a lie it is!! He is none of those things - he is in fact, very good - so good that we can't fathom his blessings, which he is waiting to pour out on us.

And so I'm at a loss with my friend. Because I don't know how to be in relationship with her right now. But because God formed our friendship, I also absolutely can't walk out on her either - I don't have it in me to abandon her, as much as the human, fallen side of me wants to. That frustrated part of me says, "You didn't listen when I said 'Be accoutable to someone so you don't mess up.' and you didn't listen when I said 'Walk away - he's not God's best for you." And while I know that she doesn't have to listen to me, like the rest of us she has the freedom to choose for herself - now, I think I begin to understand the heart of a parent of teenagers. I understand now what it feels like when you desperately want them to make the right choices, knowing that one bad one could end up costing a lot - could dramatically change the course of their lives - but in the midst of that, being powerless to force them to actually do it. To have to sit back and watch their choices unfold into either blessings or consequences. And the consequences are the hardest. Because I'm at a place right now where I almost hang my head at the fact that when she came to months ago, confessing that they were having sex, I wanted her to have earthly, immediate consequences. Because if she didn't, how did that impact my decision not to have sex? If there were no visible consequences, then somehow the sin of it wasn't justified. That was a lie too, but beyond that I know something now that I didn't know then, while I was asking for justice.

I didn't know how dramatically her consequences would impact me. I didn't know how much it would break my heart to watch her actually eternally tie herself to this guy. As much as I don't like him, now he's part of her life forever - married or not. And that's the next step. What if they do get married? What if, as her friend, I have to deal with him all the time?! And what if it fails? What if they "give it a go" and can't make it work? What if they put the same triviality toward marriage that they have toward sex? What if they don't take it any more seriously, what if they approach it with the same flippant-ness, and again miss out on God's best?

Only time will tell. And as for me, I'm exhausted. Exhasted by the thought that I'm uncontrollably tied to my friendship, bound by my unspoken oath to love her as my best friend, no matter what bad choices she makes, no matter how chaotic she makes her life (and mine). Because God said that there's no greater love than that which causes one to lay down their own life for a friend. And so, I die to my personal opinions and desire to run away, and I embrace her. It's not going to be easy. It may be the hardest thing I'll ever do. Because right now, nothing I've done up to this point has been this hard - not even sharing my faith in China.

So if you are a Christian, who desires to live under God's rules, and you can see what a huge struggle this is for me - I beg of you to pray for me, and for yourself - that we would be messengers of God's grace, forgiveness, and love. Especially when it's hardest to do so.

Getting Started/What is "good" really?

OK,
So my mentor is desperately trying to get me to consistently journal...I'm not very good at it...I'm not much of a writer. But here's my feeble attempt at it. I ponder things, especially things that I question or am challenged by in my faith, so maybe this is the place I can lay it all out. Maybe here it will become congruent, and/or provide an opportunity for me to receive some answers. I'm an out-loud processor, so I'm hoping that this may give me a better opportunity to process and not feel so silly when I hold a conversation with myself!

So, here's my first one:
I'm reading Epic by John Elderidge. I highly recommend it! The part I just finished reading encompasses the fact that we as Christians either do not realize or do not take seriously that we have an Enemy, a true Villian in our story - which is why every movie or TV show we ever watch has to have a villian, because in our core we know that there is one - we just don't acknowledge it in our conscience. Anyways. . . in this part he quotes C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity...

"Christianity thinks this Dark Power was created by God,
and was good when he was created, and went wrong."

Which in context is a statement of the theology/beliefs of Christianity as a religion. But what if you read it out of context - forgive me, I know that's blasphemy to every seminary student I'm friends with...and very out of character for me - but what if. Work with me here. What if it reads instead:

"Christianity thinks this Dark Power was created by God,
and was good when he was created, and went wrong." (emphasis mine)

What if we read this quote (like I said, out of context) as a realization that we could have missed it entirely.
To put this in perspective:
"God works all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes." (Romans 8:28) Most Christians, who have been Christians for awhile have figured out that what God refers to as "good" according to that passage, is not what we humans would consider "good". When I was sexually molested while I was in Jr. High I didn't think that was "good" at the time, or to take it to another level...I couldn't see then how it could even be used for "good". But now, over a decade later...I can definitely see how God has blessed me because of that experience, not despite it. God has used it for good over and over, as I minister to college students and teenagers, and even in my own spiritual journey. It is a part of who I am, no longer an event that took place.

With that in mind, I think I'm pondering that we, Christians/humans, really do not get (at all!) what the word "good" really means. Mark 10:18 tells us that only God is qualified to be labeled/titled as "good".

I haven't studied the Hebrew or Greek on this one...but what if there are two ideas of good represented..."good" as ascribed to creation being one, and "good" as ascribed to God alone, as in the afore-mentioned passage being the other.

What if, when he called things "good" in the Garden (Genesis 1), he didn't mean it to be equated with the idea of "perfect" or "morally upright" as we Christians have deemed it. What if what he meant by the word "good" was that he was pleased that it was what he created it to be...and that not necessarily being "perfect". What if he created it to be tarnished, by the potential of sin, because he knew long in advance that only with the potential for sin could we ever appreciate grace, or have the opportunity to experience his grace. And because of his great wisdom, he knew that our knowledge and experience of that Amazing Grace, would cause him the most glory...which is what his primary focus is....his glory! But the "good" found in Mark 10:18 referring to God's goodness, and only his, being equated with the idea of perfection.

Just a thought. Maybe not truth...but maybe it is. I have a peace in my heart as I write this, that just maybe God has given me a spirit of wisdom and revelation as Paul talks about in Ephesians 1 - that which may cause me to know him better.

I'm not saying I'm 100% right. I don't want any "you're going to Hell for believing this" responses from you well-meaning, "let's set her straight" Christians. I'm just thinking out-loud. It's what I do. And God has challenged me to do something recently that most churches would never challenge Christians to do. I want to read the Bible to find out what it says, not to prove what my denomination and Christian upbringing has taught me to believe over the last 25 years.