In Awe of God's Grace (Again!)

Have you ever wondered about God's mercy in certain circumstances in the Bible? I remember the first time I read the account of Noah and the Ark and saw that the flood was an act of mercy on mankind, a redemption rather than a punishment. It's really cool when your eyes are opened to see God's actions with man and earth that way!

Well it happened again this morning. I was reading a book I borrowed from a friend called Her Name is Woman by Gien Karssen. The first chapter talks about Eve. So basically, my mind was camped out in Genesis 1-3. Chapter three begins the scenario of what Christians like to entitle "The Fall of Man". (It's also what my NIV Bible entitles it, so maybe that's where we got it! *hint of sarcasm*)

If you don't know the story I encourage you to check it out. But it's not the formation of the couple or the curses because of their sin that held my attention this morning. It was this statement from the book:

"They were ordered to leave quickly, so they wouldn't eat from the tree of life and thus be forced to live forever as sinful people."

She's referring to Genesis 3:22-24:

And the Lord God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.

I knew the passage. I had looked at it with sadness many times before now. I had even discovered the excited anticipation that we will have access to it again according to Revelation 22. But even though I knew we had hope concerning the tree of life in the future, I still felt the impact of being banished away from it. To me, all these years, it has been a punishment. A result of sin that we couldn't have eternal life. Which is true, but what I had never seen before was the mercy in that action.

What hit me across the forehead was "be forced to live forever as sinful people". It was the first time it clicked. Because what would this world look like if molesters, child-abusers, and the rest of evil never came to an end in that person? Let's face it, we all take comfort in the fact that sooner or later they will die, and they can't hurt anyone anymore. Many take comfort in the death penalty - that we can actually convict them to death because of their crimes. What if Cain had done those murderous acts to Abel, but Abel could never die. Because on the flip side, most of us don't fear death nearly as much as we fear how we will die. Will it be painful and horrible? So, if we could have accessed the tree of life after sin, we would never find release from the pain of life post-sin. How many of us take comfort in those who have suffered in life finally dying? We often find ourselves saying or thinking (comforting ourselves with the words) "at least they won't suffer anymore".

Of course, that's only true because of Christ. Which is the heart of my revelation. The mercy of God extends to His planning - that even though we must experience death, it paves the way for Jesus to conquer it, and save us. But it's so much bigger than that. And I don't know that I can adequately put into words what God wrote on my heart this morning. It's the fact that God saved us, spared us, from a most horrific life even before Christ entered the physical picture (because He was truthfully there all along, just unseen).

So...

I would encourage you to meditate on that quote today, and what God would write on your heart through it - his depth of love and mercy, not only at the cross, but even at our moment of betrayal and disobedience.

I'll say it again. Let it be fresh on your heart today:

They were ordered to leave quickly, so they wouldn't eat from the tree of life and thus be forced to live forever as sinful people.

My Psalm (as written to Jessica Kaylor)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Who brings physical healing,

Who has destroyed the disease that raged within His servant's body with His own hand,

and Who set His servant up to be a mouthpiece for His name,

to shine the light of Christ among men,

that they may know and believe that He is Almighty,

the Great Physician,

the One who never leaves and never forsakes us!

Great is your faithfulness,

your mercy endures through all generations,

your hand is quick to save,

you delight in being named Rescuer,

my Salvation!

Blessing and honor

And glory and power

Be unto the King

forever and ever!

Amen!

What A Mighty God We Serve!

In awe of You, we worship

and stand amazed at Your great love.

We're changed from glory to glory,

we set our hearts on you our God!

Now your presence fills this place -

be exalted in our praise!

As we worship, I believe,

You are near!

Do you know that we serve a really big God?!

I mean, do you really know it?

I found out this past week, just how amazingly big He is! My friend, Jessica Kaylor, who was diagnosed with Stage 4 (meaning it had spread all over her body) breast cancer while I was on a spring break mission trip back in March, just found out that she is 100% cancer and tumor free!!!!! Less than 6 months later!!!!

Is God big or what?!

I am overwhelmed by how much God has done in all of our lives at LABC through walking with her on this journey. I know I am forever changed at seeing God more intimately through His care for her in this time. And stand amazed, not only by His great love, but at every provision - emotional, physical, mental, and spritual - along the way!

So this is my "shout-out" to I AM, the only God I will ever serve or seek, because only He could do this. Only He is able. Only He is in control of not only the wind and the waves, but also a precious woman's body. Only He is capable of telling cancer to flee and it must!!

Now to Him who is able

to do immeasureably more

than all we could ask or imagine,

according to His power

that is at work within us,

to Him be the glory

in the church

and in Christ Jesus

throughout all generations,

for ever and ever!

Amen!

Ephesians 3:20-21

God Is Faithful

"Rainbows" by David Jones (West Texas Photographic Society 2/21/02)

(click for link)

Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds,

I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant

between God and all living creatures

of every kind on the earth.

Genesis 9:16

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalm 86:11-13

Teach me your way, O Lord,

and I will walk in your truth;

give me an undivided heart,

that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;

I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me;

you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

Being Vulnerable....

Have you ever stood face to face with the person who is your "Ideal", and thought that maybe, just maybe, God might actually say "Yes!".... but then start to wonder what the crap you were thinking? Why on earth would God actually give you what you want? How could you possibly think that you are enough for the person who is everything you desire in a mate?

Well, that's where I am tonight. Scared to death that I've let myself go much too far in entertaining thoughts that the man who I have loved for as long as I can remember, who is everything I want my husband to be, everything that I've prayed for....that he might actually return my feelings.

Because I'm sick to my stomach with the idea that....what if he doesn't? What if I've seen over time how much of him I desperately desire, and have allowed myself to give room for hope that God might actually say "Yes!" regarding this one, only for that dream to be shattered by the fist of reality?

This, my dear friends, is why God wants us to guard our hearts. Because I swore I'd never allow myself to get here again. I'd never let myself imagine what could be. I promised I'd give up on the daydreams of spending the rest of my life with anyone I was interested in. "It's too much pressure" would be the easy thing to say. But the reality is that it's too much pain, because I'm always let down. And I'm terrified that I've ended up in the place I swore I'd never let myself come back to. Trying desperately to hold on to my heart with the tips of my fingers.

Satan is trying desperately to convince me of the lie once again. The one that I've been jipped into believing for so long. That I am not enough, and too much, for any man. That I will never be what any guy is looking for. That I'm not anyone's Ideal.

But if I'm honest, it's so much more than that. It's so much more immediate than that. Because this guy in particular is the one I've wanted for as long as I've known him, practically. And somehow I allowed myself the glimmer of hope that I might actually be what he wants, too. I know that he cherishes me as a friend. And I know that that should be what I care about most in my relationship with him. But I'm scared to death that this other girl who he's also good friends with might win his heart. I can't compete with her. She's everything I'm not. Skinny, beautiful, quiet, funny in a charming sort of way....

Grrr.

Lord, I need affirmation tonight. I need to be reminded that I am worthy of a man's romantic love. That I do deserve the kind of guy that he is. And that you will bring me someone like that, even if it's not him. Who will far exceed my expectations, if only I will wait for it. Help me know that. I know I have Your love. And I know that Laura was right when she said that that is all the love I need. But it's not all the love I want. And maybe that's wrong of me. Maybe those feelings have to go. But I know in the depth of me that I was not intended for singleness forever. And I don't know when you have planned for the day to come for it to end. And that's ok. At least I know tomorrow when I wake up that I'm one day closer!

Help me guard my heart, Lord. I've failed at that so far. I can't do that in my own strength, for sure! Cause I sure as heck have tried! And Lord - if this other girl is who you have for him instead of me, if any other girl is who you have for him, help me be really and truly happy for him when that relationship comes. Help me be wholeheartedly, honestly excited for him when that relationship comes. You've helped me see in other similar situations why I wasn't intended to be with the guy I was crushing on. If that's the case here, then do it again please.

But Lord, one more thing. Can he please be the one You have for me? He really does fit the bill! He really is absolutely amazing. He is an honest to goodness spiritual leader, even as my friend. Everything that matters - he fulfills. He's solid. His relationship with you is firm. He's humble. He's kind. And when he looks in my eyes, I know that he cherishes me. And wow, what a feeling.

But you know all that right? :o) After all, You created all that about him. He's Yours. And so am I. So, in the words of one of my favorite songs:

So do what you will. Do what you want. I have decided to trust You only. I want to be, whatever You're wanting. You are the Lord of my life.

A New Year of Ministry

It's finally over!! She's married, and on her honeymoon! And I had my Day of Rest yesterday! And boy I needed it! I slept a lot!

And now I'm kindof at a loss as to what to do with all my free time! Anyone want to hang out now? No, actually, now that school's starting all my college students are getting back into town for good, and getting geared up for another semester of classes, tests, projects, parties, and ministry events.

I haven't really talked about that ministry so much. Where to begin? Well, I serve at Lake Arlington Baptist Church, here in Arlington, TX. I've been a part of LABC since the middle of my 7th grade year back in 1993! Unusual I know. I should include that there were two seasons away from LABC though - college (although I was only 2 hours away, so I was still somewhat involved, especially during the summer), and my 6-month ministry in PA.

I've seen the college ministry here change and grow in many ways over the years.
At present, it is under the leadership of Eric Herrstrom. We function in a small-group method. We call them 432 Groups (based on Acts 4:32), the students meet in homes around the area on Sunday nights, where they have a "family dinner", do laundry, play, and study the Bible together. This year we are adding some "Freshmen Only" groups, to help them be a part of something that's geared especially for where they're at. Our ministry is fueled by the core purpose of "Reach Up (discipleship), Reach In (fellowship), Reach Out(service, evangelism)". We also have a Thursday night ministry called Backstage where we meet in our Recreation building, The L.C., for a short devotional in a coffee house kind of environment, and then go into the gym for some basketball or volleyball games, or just hang out and talk.

So that's the abbreviated version of describing the ministry I'm a part of. I look forward to meeting the students we will have this year. It will be a fun time! We've got some awesome leaders stepping up this year! Be praying for them. Be praying for our new freshmen. Be praying for God to raise up strong college guys, we desperately need some strong male leadership. And be praying for our opportunities to serve in our community. We have some changes happening this year that will require some open minds and adjustment!

And I need to get a second job. Especially one that fills in the financial gaps. So be praying that God would lead me in the right direction there.

Well, that's my update! I look forward to a new year, fresh starts, and exciting growth (spiritually and relationally).

If you are a college student in need of a church to plug into, drop me a note, I would love to get you connected in ours if God is leading you there. And I guess, you don't really have to be a college student - LABC has a lot of good groups for all ages and stages of life.

Also - we are getting ready to begin our Saturday Night Service on Aug. 2oth (this coming Sat). Come check it out if you're interested! 2912 Little Rd. Arlington, TX 76016 - in The Loft, of the Lifestyle Center at Lake Arlington Baptist Church! 7:00 pm!

Wedding Eve

That's right, it's almost here. The Big Day is less than 24 hours away! Too bad it's not my "big day" we're talking about! But oh well. It'll be good, and I'll laugh and smile a lot. And I'll watch my best friend enter into a time of less freedoms, and more responsibility. And maybe that's all I need to remind myself that I'm not as ready for it as I think I am!

Please be praying for them. They need it. There are so many life changes that they are about to go through in a very short period of time - not only those associated with marriage, but also those that come with parenthood, and just growing up in general.

Pray for me also. That God will remind me all the time that it is He who holds their future in His hand. I have no reason to worry (which is not a spiritual gift, by the way!), because I need to trust that the One who created them is prepared to handle all that they have in store, because He is their God too!

I don't know if I will blog about these two anymore. I'm sure I'll blog about this little bundle of joy that's on his or her way from time to time, though. So maybe I will. Maybe you will get to continue in their journey along the way. And mine. Because God has used so much of their story to impact my own spiritual growth over the last several months.

I am walking away from this time feeling much more mature in so many ways.

Oh, and there's another married couple that I would ask you to keep in your prayers. My neice, Ashleigh, is about to be a senior in high school. And due to some incredibly horrible life situations that I can't go into detail about, her mom (my sister) gave her and her boyfriend, Shaun, consent to get married in order to escape some of those issues. They were married on July 30, 2005. I know that anyone without perspective on this situation could have the opinion that it was a horrible thing to use marriage as a way out. But those of us who know all the details, know that this was the best option given the circumstances.

So pray for them, too. Because like my best friend, they are entering into something holy. No matter what the reason. Marriage is nothing less than a picture of God's relationship with His people. And that's a big deal. As any married Christian could tell you, it's one of the hardest things on earth to make one's marriage look like a picture of God to the world, especially when you can't control the actions and attitudes of the other person. (It's hard enough to control our own!)

And pray that these couples will remember a phrase that I, personally, will need repeated to me in all my relationships until I die - because it's true, and because it's easy to forget. It's a phrase that their marriages will need to have nailed onto the walls:

Love is a decision.